There is no single optimal response to conflict.  At the same time, there are key communication skills and behaviors that are more likely to lead to successful participation in mediation.  These include dealing with the person with whom you are in conflict by:

1. externalizing the problem by describing it as one that is between you, without blaming either person,
2. listening carefully, summarizing and checking out what is heard before responding,
3. suspending judgment and avoiding labeling, name calling, making threats, and acting defensively,
4. being non-defensive and non-reactive as you are listening in an effort to understand the other person’s perspective,
5. stating clearly what you want and what your interests and objectives are,
6. working through the disagreement constructively by following the step by step lead of the mediator,
7. being firm about achieving a mutual solution.

This chapter will review active listening and effective communication skills. It will suggest how to become more proficient in their use.  It will define what interests and objectives are, with a checklist provided for identifying the particular interests and objectives involved. There are guidelines for how decisions will be made when agreements are being carried out or how changes are put in place.  Practical tips for implementing communication skills are also given at the conclusion of the chapter.